don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
