everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's shark week go big or go home
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
