I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We have started to decorate penises.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
