I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
