Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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