I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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