she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
