Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
