hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
