they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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