i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
