i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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