they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
