My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
