i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
