Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
