Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm always down for nudity.
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