Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I use my feet as sexual weapons
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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