The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
