Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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