you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
