**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
