she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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