6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
