Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
