There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
