my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
