next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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