I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
