Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
