The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
