I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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