I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
