the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
