I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
