making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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