good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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