I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
