Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
