What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
