is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
