I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
