Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
