her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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