Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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