This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
