It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
