Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
