Will you blow on my dice?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
