Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
