The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
