i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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