We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
