Your dad touched me again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
