Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
